


Beakley the Porn Hater

by dankmatter



Category: DuckTales (Cartoon 2017)
Genre: Feminist Themes, Gen, I'm Bad At Tagging, Porn Watching, References to scat, Shitty story, Strawwoman fallacy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-15
Updated: 2018-02-15
Packaged: 2019-03-18 18:05:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13686963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dankmatter/pseuds/dankmatter
Summary: Beakley catches Webby watching porn. Antics ensue. Rated T for porn watching, making fun of third wave feminism and a reference to a shock site.





	Beakley the Porn Hater

Beakley walked into Webby's room

 

“Webby, have you seen my- BLAARGH!!!” Webby’s computer had foot fetish porn on it, with a bunch of sexually explicit magazines strewn around

“It’s okay, granny. Lots of girls like it.” Webby said.

“Nooo!” Beakley whimpered. “If you support that filth you might as well tell the average well endowed woman you wanna fuck Hugh Hefner!”

Beakley got on YouTube and made a comment on a Justin Bieber music video. She typed “The likes are bigger than my granddaughter Webby Vanderquack’s chest.” She then went on a video about Trump and replied to some of the hate comments and said “You mean my granddaughter Webby Vanderquack.” Any overused joke or vitriolic hate comment about the man you can think of, Beakley was typing comments like those, but replacing “Trump” with “my granddaughter Webby Vanderquack.” When someone replied to her comment saying “Who’s Webby Vanderquack?” Beakley replied with “a girl who watches porn” and the vitriolic comments would then be directed at Webby instead, enough to completely overshadow what the commenters were hating on before. She then went back in Webby Vanderquack’s room.

“Please burn all your porn stuff NOW!”

“Granny, you cannot make the unfair assumption that porn is unfeminist. Female domination porn exists, let me show you.”

“Why would I watch that drivel? I AM NOT A MISOGYNISTIC THUG! People who watch that patriarchy-enforcing crap are WORSE THAN HITLER! C’mon, let’s watch a show together.” Beakley strapped Webby to a chair, with metal hooks forcing her eyes open. Beakley called this a family bonding moment. What were they watching, you might ask? Hannah Montana!

After the episode was over, Beakley gave Webby a piece of paper and a pencil.

“What’s this?” Webby asked.

“A quiz. I’m quizzing you on the episode of Hannah Montana we just watched. You have five minutes.” Webby stared at the questions. She had no idea of the answer to any of them. The worst part is, it was short answer, which meant that if you were reduced to random guessing, you were pretty much screwed. And he was.

“One minute remaining, Beakley called. Webby was reduced to guessing preposterous answers like “a wizard did it” and “she fucking ate a turd.” She turned in her quiz.

“Nigga, are you even trying? This is worse than an F! I am giving you a Z! Now I am going to make you watch that episode again and make you take that quiz again! Each time you fail, you must sit through it again and again.”

Fifteen hours later, Webby had dark circles under her eyes, was starving and extremely thirsty, and her bladder look like a second beer belly. She finally passed Beakley’s hellish quiz with the bare minimum, even though she got every answer correct.

Next day, Webby was back to watching fetishistic porn on XVideos. She heard Beakley coming in, so she quickly switched the tab to My Little Pony.

“Why are you looking at ponies? You don’t usually watch MLP.” Beakly snatched the laptop away and browsed Webby’s history. Sure enough, she spied the porn stuff.

“Damn it Webby, why can’t you be a normal human being. Until you learn, your laptop is history!” She went outside, smashed the laptop, and threw it into the fountain, electrocuting Donald and his house boat.

When Beakley went to take out the trash, she found Webby’s first Tomorrow’s Pioneers quiz in there. “He ate a fucking turd. Hmm, this gives me an idea.”

She wrote a porn script called “2 Girls 1 Cup” that involved two girls literally eating their own shit and gathered some actors to turn it into an actual porn using the pen name Marco Antonio Fioro. The budget was somewhere around 600 dollars.

Three months later…

“Hey, Webby, I’ve been thinking, I was wrong to be a Nazi by trying to make you not wanna watch porn ever again. I emailed you a video of some anal.”

Webby went on her computer (she had gotten a new one) and clicked the link. The two girls were kissing and eating each other’s crap. Webby barfed.

“I swear to God I will never use Gmail or watch this retarded crap ever again. Not if it contains gross dreck like that.” Beakley nodded in agreement.

The next day…

“Webby, have you seen my- BLAARGH!!!” Webby’s room had an Israeli flag and a lit menorah, with “Hatikva” coming out of her speakers. Beakly’s head literally exploded with rage

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for a long absence. Things have been happening.


End file.
